to dream of love

I wish that I could tell you everything. I go running at night--every night now--and I cannot describe fully how this place makes me feel when I see it near midnight. There is a backerei just down the road, and they do their best work at night, always just as I jog by. I often slow up, just so I can smell the smell of fresh baked bread coming out of the exhaust that blows my hair to the side. I see hedgerows that block three story brick homes from the street downtown, and stuff my hand into them as I hurry by. I get a small amount of satisfaction just to feel the thorns and prickly bits scraping my hand, and I hope my skin breaks open, so that I know I am not already asleep. I sometimes encounter German cats, and they predictably either quickly skulk into the shadows, or sit and stare at me as I zip by.

This town has been here for centuries. It will most probably be here for centuries more; and I can only pace around it in awe. From the cobblestone street to the steeple in the center of the village, I can't beleive my eyes. I could attribute my adherence to my nightly schedule to the fact that I cannot see enough of this tiny town. It is smaller than the town I lived in as a child, I can run from end to end in ten minutes; yet I will never get enough, there is too much history for just one summer.

I can't tell you what simple pleasures there are to be had in this place. I can only give you a hollow description of my feelings on this ancient, powerful beauty which surrounds me, and that will never do justice to the reverence I must have on every nightly jog.


Posted by daniel at 23:57 | Comments (0)


call me amazed

I got accepted by the school of my dreams, and today I got this in an email from the admissions dept.
This is the tuition:
room 1466.00
board 1531.00
study tuition 15115.00
study fees 401.00
books/personal 1000.00
co-op tuition 7558.00
co-op fees 201.00
loan fees 105.00
TOTAL 27377.00

Here is your aid:
federal pell grant 4050.00
federal seog grant 3000.00
antioch grant 14622.00
federal work study 1000.00
federal subsidized stafford loan 3500.00
federal perkins loan 1100.00
TOTAL 27272.00

That leaves a difference of about $100 which you will probably be
in July. I hope this looks pretty good to you.


well I'll tell you.

it means my dear reader, that I will be able to subsist for the next year of my life for about $100, and that's pretty cool.


Posted by daniel at 03:39 | Comments (0)



Damn germany

I want to buy Radiohead's new album today, but my local music store doesn't have it!!

damn it.

Posted by daniel at 20:38 | Comments (0)


bad computer+mad king Ludwig

I had a pretty full weekend. I'd like to put it down in this, so that I can look back on it someday to say,

"Wow, I really did once have fun things to do!"

I will go in reverse chronological order, hoping that latency is more interesting than primacy.

I awoke about an hour ago, hearing some noise in the house. I can't imagine what it might have been, and I only guess when I say it must be that tree that is possessed by the devil. There is a tree in our back garden that IS possessed by the spirit of SATAN.

Last night I got home around 1130, and sat around the house trying to decide whether to go to bed and sleep until the stars burn out, or wake up at 7am. My parents decided to get up at 6am, owing to the fact that the two of them have jobs, and work starts early.

We drove home from Rammstein Air Force Base, and from there had come from Dachau, where there remains a memorial and museum on the former site of one of the most horrifying concentration camps in the whole of Germany. Dachau is not where prisoners were gassed, that was Auschwitz; Dachau was one of the oldest concentration camps, and ceratainly one of the most terrifying. Containing over 65,000 prisoners by 1945, in 30 barracks that were originally designed for 300 persons.....you do the math.....most of the prisoners either died of starvation (the ration in the last days was an EIGHTH of a loaf of bread per day, about 120 grams), or the typhus that spread through the camp, killing thousands. The site had a crematorium, but as the body count rose, the cremators hadn't the power to dispose of all of the bodies by burning; mass graves were necessary to dispose of all the corpses. When allied forces finally broke through to liberate the camp, the SS had already abandoned Dachau, and it had been run for three weeks by an international group of elders amongst the prisoners. I cannot describe how horrifying it was to see all the photographs and testimony describing torture and subjugation on such a great scale. In the few years the camp was there, thousands of people lost their lives, and for many more life was changed for the worse. I can't imagine anything worse than to find out that you are going to die because the state declares you "unfit for work."

I could go on and on and on, but I don't intend to dedicate this post to the prisoners of Dachau. They have their memorial, and I shall continue on.

Earlier in the day, I took a cable car ride up the side of a mountain. It would have taken all day to climb up on foot, but I reached the summit in about twenty minutes. I took some great photos, saw the Alps for the second time in my life, and got to sneer at a thirty foot tall cross at the top of this mountain. I still don't know why that cross is there. There isn't a church or a monastery anywhere nearby, so what the crap is a cross doing at the top of this mountain?? Madness, I say. It was a beautiful spot, and a more beautiful view. I am glad I brought my new camera.

Yesterday morning had me awake at 8am, in order to take advantage of the traditional German breakfast at the hotel. This hotel was no ordinary english speaking lake-resort in Germany. It was a US Military resort, for use by only employees of the Federal government, and it was built by order of Adolf Hitler in 1937. It was claimed by US troops at the end of the war, and remains in American hands to this day. The employees are German nationals, and just about every one of them speaks English; that makes it nice, so nice. The resort will be turned back over to the control of the German government in September, so this weekend was probably the last time I will ever have a chance to stay on CHIEMSEE for EUR65 a night. The lake itself has a massive sailing community, and the water is full of sailboats by midday.....it's a great place, right at the edge of the Alps.

I got to sleep in a tiny hotel room bed the night before at around 1230 perhaps, I was exhausted after driving back from Munich.

My family and I ate dinner in a 400-year-old brewery in the heart of Munich. Our waiter was a Croatian who cheered at us, "Bush, no.....Cleenton, YES! Bush eez a cowboy, bang bang, but Cleenton gave me LIBERTY," and all sorts of funny statements about our president and former president. He gave us very good service, and gave me a LITER OF BEER.

I walked to the brewery through the pedestrian area of the city, which is full of shops and drug stores, cathedrals and opera houses, and a GAP. Fucking GAP>t-shirt=EUR45! I know that GAP fleeces Americans, but 45 Euro is $52. Beautiful city, except for the GAP.

Before downtown Munich, I spent the afternoon at Schloss Nymphenburg, I shot a whole roll of film while there, and saw a great palace, grounds, its gardens, fountains, hunting lodge, lake, canals, and a few swans. All for 3 Euro. haha! There are many things I did there that I shall never tell anyone. It is an amazing place, and I think a visit to Bavaria is not complete unless it includes Schloss Nymphenburg.

That morning at about 10, my parents got me a ticket for a boat ride on Chiemsee, and I had NO IDEA what I was going to see. If you think Adolf had a good idea when he built a lakeside getaway, then you'll think that Mad King Ludwig was a genius. I will just show you a photo. Seeing this photo was enough for me to say,


But then I went to the island, and I saw INSIDE and OUTSIDE the palace, which was to be a summer getaway for King Ludwig II, but he only ever spent ten days there, shortly before he died.

It is a wondrous place, but it is unfinished to this day. Ludwig ran out of money before the palace could be finished, and so to this day it stands less than a third finished. 20 rooms out of 70 are completed, but the remaining 50 are just plain brick walls and wood floors.

I took no photos of this place, but I did send someone a postcard. Actually, I sent the ONE postcard to three persons, and they all live together.

That was my weekend. I left out the part of the driving to Bavaria, but I assure you, I drove to Bavaria.

I did not find myself there.

Posted by daniel at 23:35 | Comments (0)


three days gone

I really am going to munich!

It's only six hours away! I leave in about twenty minutes for the weekend, and I get to go to that capital of Bavaria to find all sorts of things that I have never seen before! I think it's going to be one of the strangest and most interesting weekends of my life, so I have packed the dumbest clothes I could find in my wardrobe.

two pairs of shorts, and a bunch of t-shirts. I will also bring my only baseball cap, so that I stick out and look like just the tourist that i will be. I will be with my family, and I think I could enjoy myself all alone with a bunch of money, but going the tourist route with them will make it all sort of uncomfortable.

I say again, I hope I find myself in Munich. That's where I think I am right now. I just need to figure out WHERE in the city I am hiding.


Posted by daniel at 14:50 | Comments (0)


long hot summer ahead

live in a house with two of my parents, and one of my siblings.

The four of us are going to Munich this weekend, and I hope to find myself there. If I don't find myself in Munich, maybe I'll have better luck in Vienna, or somewhere around Lake Geneva.

I think that if I were myself, I would hide out somewhere in the middle of Europe. I just don't feel like myself lately, maybe I ran away, and what everyone else sees is just "an empty shell of a Luthy."

In 1999, during the week after I took LSD for the first time, my friends called me "an empty shell of a Luthy," and that phrase has stuck with me, it appears. I haven't taken drugs for a long time, so I guess I can't attribute my feelings of emptiness to that. I suppose I should have to figure out what is causing such odd feelings before I go and talk about them (it makes people uncomfortable to be told when another is confused and estranged), but it's too late for that now.

I sure hope to find some meaning this weekend. Munich, here I come.

the germans call it Munchen. haha. silly germans.


Posted by daniel at 15:47 | Comments (0)


holy crap

My dad likes BLINK 182!!

I think the world is going to end pretty soon. isn't that one of the signs of the coming of armageddon? John Luthy getting into Dude Ranch?


also I might get a job at a kennel for the summer. that would be nice. dogs and cats all around, with trees and lots of free time. I'll get paid to walk and feed animals. haha!! I suppose I will know in a few more days.

I should be going to Munich this weekend. HOLY CRAP!


Posted by daniel at 19:07 | Comments (0)


I do not speak Nederlandisch

Today my brother, my parents and I went to Valkenburg, in the Netherlands.

Valkenburg has been around since Roman times apparently, and in the town they have castle ruins, an old palace, and something else that is quite unique.

They have what they call a CITY CAVE. The romans first mined the hill near the town almost 2000 years ago for the sort of stone that was found inside, for use in construction. Many buildings in the area, including the city's cathedral, the castle (part of which still stands) and most of the old city downtown are made of this type of rock, which came from the CAVE. I guess it was the Romans who came up with the idea to make it a public area for all to see and run through after certain areas had been mined for the valuable stone, as there was no other use for the open space under the hill.

The people of Valkenburg took up the call, and made it into an underground gallery, museum, and art exhibit. People through the centuries have taken up carving tools to etch in and on the stone walls of the cave renderings of famous people of the day, or life sized sculptures of dinosaurs, or a 5 meter high champagne bottle.

It was an interesting tour, although I must say I got very little from our guide--who spoke in the mother tongue of the Dutch--I had to guess at the meaning of much of what he said.

I just hope I do not have to endure very many more outings with my family. I love them and everything, but after having lived on my own for a few years now, I just don't feel quite so comfortable as I used to on touristy trips that we take.

Tomorrow I continue my job search. I hope to be employed by the end of the week, so I can then go out on my own into the country to get into all sorts of trouble, and have horrible times all by myself (without so many other people around).

I don't think I'll end up in Tangier, Or Baku, but maybe I'll end up in Munich, or Vienna.


Posted by daniel at 00:45 | Comments (0)